The Wandering Saotome part 2
By Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton

"Japanese"
[Thoughts]
<Chinese>
(Footnotes or Author's commentary)

---Nerima, Tendo Dojo---

	Genma lay sprawled on the porch as an overflowing gutter drenched
him in sheets of icy rainwater.  If the poor fool had been naturally
asleep he would have awoken, but as his sleep was 'forced' by his
wayward son's force-stick, he could not feel the rain as it sloshed
over his form.  His glasses fell to the koi pond below, a fat calico
with long whiskers nibbling on a bow.  As soon as the clock had struck
twelve it had begun to pour, great gouts of cold water that soaked the
grass and overflowed the gutters.

	Inside, behind the ceramic outer doors, Soun Tendo sat across
from Ranma, Kasumi at his side, as the youth informed them on the
horrible events leading to his rescue at the Mount.  Ranma had grown
steadily angrier with Genma, seething as he watched the idiot drenched
outside.  Only Kasumi's forceful discouragement saved the fat martial
artist.  Pak sat in the corner, it's red LED eyes following the
conversation and recording the expressions and astral patterns of the
Tendos as they spoke.

	"You say that Genma left you in China?"  Soun stubbed out his
cigarette, one more joining the pile cluttered in the ashtray.  "I
can't believe such a story son, my friend would never allow such a
thing!"

	"But father, isn't this the same Genma Saotome who took his son
on a training journey at an early age, away from his mother, never
writing to the woman, and sending his bills to our house?"  Kasumi
sweetly said, bubbling with happiness, no matter the subject.  "I'd
believe poor Ranma's story more than that idiot's."

	"Kasumi!  Don't speak of your father's acquaintances like that!
Genma is a good friend, we both served under the master!"  Soun stood
stoically to the window, legs positioned as his raised a fist and
gazed out at the non existent sundown, tears streaming from his eyes.
"I will never ever forget!"

	[What is this man talking about?  Forget what?]  Ranma shook his
head, hoping to never know exactly what the man was talking about.
Pak jumped onto the table, legs folded underneath, as a black hold
materialized an inch over his back shell.  "Pak!  Open the portal to
Teh Sthlhu!"  A shimmering cone of light exploded outwards from Pak's
back, a whirling dervish of colored sparkles and pinpricks of green.
"Kasumi?  Would you like to go for a ride?"  Soun wept incoherently as
Genma slid down into the mud of the yard.  "I'll show you what I meant
when I said 'another dimension.'"  Killer smile at maximum, it was
just a matter of time before Kasumi gave in to his charm.

A rose blush spreading warmth throughout her cheeks, Kasumi nodded,
smoothing out her yellow housedress and laying her lacy apron over the
couch.  "I'd love to Ranma."  She gave him a smile in return, white
teeth sparkling in the glow of the fluorescent lighting.  "Oh my!
Will father be coming with us?"

	"I think he's a bit preoccupied right now."  Ranma said dryly.

	"Alright then, I suppose I have enough time before Akane and
Nabiki get home.  Will this take long?"  She grasped his offered hand,
her foot disappearing into the colorful void of the gateway.

	"As long as you'd like it to."  He clutched her arms, lowering
her down until her feet touched the ground.  "Do you feel that?"  She
blushed as if he'd been speaking of his warm hands wrapped underneath
her sleeves, barely touching her chest.  "I'm going to let you go now,
just roll with it, the portal isn't far off the ground."  Underneath
her bare feet she could feel the soft blades of grass still moist with
morning dew; it seemed impossible, yet here she was, body halfway
beyond the floor, a heavenly young man grasping her bosom and lowering
her to another world.  She had to make sure it wasn't a dream.

	The soft landing on a cool meadow was enough to convince her.

	The sun shone brightly in the sky, a clear sky devoid of clouds,
and birds chirped in the faraway trees.  Her eyes round as saucers she
looked up just as Ranma fell through the portal, rolling out of her
way and coming to a halt a few steps ahead.  It had to be real, her
hands were wet from the dew collected on the blades of green all
around her, her dress was soaking with moisture as well, surely a
dream couldn't be this real!  Ranma was dusting himself off as she sat
shocked, thanking Pak for choosing the meadow as opposed to his
bedroom.  Who knows what kind of problems that would've caused.

	"Kasumi?  Are you all right?"  He took her shaking hand and
helped her off the grass, trailing stray droplets of dew as she went.
She seemed to look at him somewhat fearfully now, her dewy eyes
shimmering in the sunlight.  Giving her a reassuring smile her pointed
towards the simple-looking stone cottage at the base of the
gently-sloping foothills around them.  "Are you up for a little walk?"

	Nodding in the affirmative, she was lead hand-in-hand to his home
near the boarder with the Mystical Ruins and Stupar City, capital of
Teh Sthlhu.  Even from twelve miles away the military barracks and
sheds which held the CHEPHAROS battleships(1) could be seen as gray
blurs on the end of the green plains.  The Mystical Ruins were home to
the Druidic Warlords, a tribe of sorcerers who had long ago ruled the
lands of Teh Sthlhu with their powerful Black magic, after the arrival
of Emperor Maximillian they were all but extinguished.  A few still
lived in the shattered remains of their centuried temples, killing
those foolish enough to invade their territory.  The Ruins were in the
centre of the plains, reasonably far enough from Ranma's domicile so
that he was not bothered by the murderous old men.

	Even if the ruins held their share of dangers so too did Stupar
City.  Housing over twelve million sentient life-forms, the city
sprawled over thirty miles in diameter, the centre for commerce and
society in the Empire.  Shades(2) and criminals from the city
routinely fled towards the Mystical Ruins, hoping that the soldiers
would not follow for fear of the Druids.  While it was true that most
times the soldiers fell back, but it was also true that the criminals
never escaped alive from the temples where they hid.  Ranma himself
had never seen a Druidic Warlord but had heard tales of famous battles
waged against them by the priestesses of Serenity, caregivers and
stress relievers in the Holy Empire(3).  As they had been a cloistered
group since time immemorial they knew all the ancient legends and
would share them with you...for a price.

	A passing cloud shaded them from the rays of sunlight, a gray
splotch on the lighted plain.  Kasumi looked up only to see that the
cloud was a dragon flying overhead, copper wings outstretched and
catching the air currents above.  "P-pardon me Ranma...b-but is that a
dragon?"  The beast seemed to hear her as red eyes, sunken deep into
the scaled hide, burned into her.  It was a western-style dragon,
stocky in build and short in neck, very much unlike the traditional
dragons Kasumi remembered from her old children's books.  In them, the
dragon was long and serpentine, whiskered and elegant;  this one was
fantastic in color and wingspan.

	"Yeah.  Must've just got back from the Sunken Graveyard."  Ranma
flashed an eye to the dragon, as if saying 'don't land now, later'
then continued to the wooden door of his home.  From what Kasumi could
tell it was female, the obvious mammary glands on it's chest and utter
lack of external sexual organs gave that much away, but it seemed to
be waiting for something, waiting for them to enter the house.  "Mind
the door, it likes to hit people on the way in, yeah...the Sunken
Graveyard.  It's a place far north where an island nation was sunk by
the Druids thousands of years ago.  The dragons supposedly came from
that civilization and journey from all over Teh Sthlhu every year on a
pilgrimage to their 'origin.'  Don't let it worry you Kasumi."  He
held the oaken door for her then slammed it shut, shaking a bit of
dust from the doorframe.

	"Oh my!  What a large house!"  It was true, the living room
itself (which they were standing in) happened to be twice as large as
the house had appeared outside, elaborately decorated by golden murals
of Teh Sthlhu history.  There were chairs and cushions she'd never
seen before, puffy silks and overstuffed loungers made from material
that shimmered as you walked by it.  A short table, vaguely
reminiscent of a kotatsu, sat at the centre of the hodge-podge
upholstery, a varied assortment of breads and fruits adorning it's
mirrored surface.  "Is this your house Ranma?"  Of course she knew it
was, but if she was going to marry him she'd just like assurances that
soon this would all be hers.

	"Yeah.  It was given to me by the Emperor Max, I...uh...sorta won
it in a bet."  He had the good conscience to look sheepish as he
explained how he'd conned the Emperor of all the lands.  "He'd wagered
that I wouldn't be able to defeat a dragon that'd been beatin' up his
outposts.  He bet the house, I bet my servitude for three years."  He
noticed the incredulous look his guest gave him.  "Don't look at me
that way Kasumi!  We were both sorta drunk at the time!  Sensei told
me I had to 'loosen up' so he spiked my drink!"

	He drank?  Well, that certainly was alright once in a while, but
she'd have to make sure it didn't become a habit.  Sake or wine with
dinner was fine, or as a nightcap, but excessive drinking she'd not
allow in her home.  [Oh my!  Where did that come from?  Why am I
getting so...so...possessive?  I do hope I do not become like Akane!]
Ranma watched her shudder slightly.

	"Anyway, I won the bet...er...well I won the bet alright?  So Max
gives me this cottage right near the Mystical Ruins, but guess what?
The damn place is crawling with Spugorths and Lachta(4)!  So I get a
team of Serenity's Priestesses in here to clear out the darkness and
webs but of course they want their payment..."  He blushed, not
wanting to continue _that_ particular part of the story, "...it's
kinda different...ah...you know?"

	She obviously didn't but nodded anyway, she'd get him to tell her
later.

	"So this whole place is a folded dimensional pocket, that's why
the house is so big inside and so small outside.  It was nice of Max
to give me a dimensionally friendly plot of land though."  Ranma just
cursed himself for telling her the story.  How in Hrothgar's name(5)
would she have any idea what he was talking about?  Lowering his head
and hitting himself a few times helped, as did the reassuring smile
she flashed him as they sat in the living room.  "It basically comes
down to this: if you spread out the actual living space inside this
house it'd be five times bigger than the outside."

	She smoothed out her skirt as she sat at the table, marveling at
the exotic foodstuffs laid out before her.  They ranged from yellow
fruits vaguely resembling a screaming man's face to orange fruits
whose stalks became natural straws.  Ranma withdrew a short,
bent-bladed knife from his tunic and began cutting up the hard-looking
cheeses on the wooden platter, ripping a chunk of dark brown bread, he
handed it to her.

	"Uh...what time is it, do you know?  Akane and Nabiki will be
coming home from school soon and I should start dinner."  Kasumi
nibbled gingerly at the sour bread, waiting for him to hand her a
piece of the cheese.  Honestly, would it be so bad for her father to
order out?  She was, after all, eating with her new fiancˇe, it was
just so inconvenient at times!  "How will we get home?"

	"I suppose you mean that now since Pak is not here to transport
us how will we get back?  Don't worry Kasumi, I can open the portal
any time so you can still make it home on time.  And it's about 74:91
breems past the dawning, or 4:00 p.m. your time."  He finished slicing
the fruit and cheese for her and watched her apprehensively begin
eating it.  He began to chuckle.  "Don't worry Kasumi, I've been
eating it for ten years, it won't hurt you."  He smiled as she looked
up at him with a few deliony seeds sticking to her face(6).  Brushing
the sticky seeds from her face, he didn't notice the blush creeping
from her neck.  "Let me show you."

	He took her by the hand again, her body becoming uncomfortably
accustomed to his hands on her skin, and walked over to the foyer.
Kasumi looked in wonder at the intricate runes embedded into the iron
sheeting of the walls.  Patterns wove and repeated themselves
countless times around the hall, but strangely enough she couldn't
seem to recognized where one line ended and another began.  It almost
looked...skewed.  Ranma took hold of her other hand now, extending
their limbs to form a rough square in the air between them.  He began
to chant, words Kasumi could either not hear, or understand; it did
have the effect of opening the space between their arms to her living
room, her father still crying at the porch.  The image wavered
slightly, his grip on her palms wavering, shaking as his power and
concentration melted, before disappearing altogether.  Winded and
sweating, Ranma leaned on Kasumi as they stumbled back into the den.

	"Whew...must've...lost power.  I gotta remember to eat before I
try that again, my body isn't producing the energy I need to open the
portal."  He relaxed on a cushion as Kasumi seemed to space out.  It
was then that a sweet, trilling, soprano sang from an adjacent room.

	"Ranma dear!  Supper's ready!"  From what she assumed was the
kitchen, Kasumi saw a short, lithe woman enter from behind
half-curtains.  "Is your guest going to be staying for dinner?"  She
was about Akane's height with coppery metallic hair and red eyes, twin
horns jutted from below her hairline and a copper tail twitched behind
her.  She wore a silver bikini with lavender colored translucent silk
spilling from her thong to just above ankle length.  It was obvious
she wasn't wearing anything other than the silver clasp below the
waist.  "Greetings to you, land-walker.  I am Dan-Tae, Princess of the
House of Copper Victory."(7)  Wiping her wet hands on a dishtowel, she
offered a well-manicured hand out to her guest.

	Kasumi did not feel threatened by the creature as some might
think, intrigued and curious about her relationship with Ranma,
certainly, but not frightened.  She smiled at the girl(?) and shook
her hand daintily.  "Dan-Tae this is Kasumi Tendo, a fiancˇe from my
homeworld.  Kasumi meet Dan-Tae, the dragon I stopped to win this
house."  He looked around nervously, not wanting Kasumi to freak out
when she heard the unusual marital practices of this world.  Of course
when Dan-Tae was at home, that meant...

	"Ranchan!  / Ranchan!  / Ranchan!"  Three voiced chorused from
upstairs, accompanied by the thumping of three pairs of feet dashing
down the stairs.  Kasumi was chatting with Tae so she didn't hear the
cry until three naked girls glomped onto him.  Coeffe, Hiwt, and Merac
were overjoyed to see their friend return after so long; a tangle of
green, gray and blue limbs tackling Ranma across the floor.  Laughing
at the attention, Ranma helped his childhood friends off the floor and
introduced them to Kasumi.  The girl in question still had no pangs of
jealousy, just a strange emptiness as she realized they'd all have to
share.  Extremely ecchi thoughts concerning a queen-sized bed and a
lot of cooking oil came to mind before she could think, thoughts that
would be sure to haunt her dreams that night.

	"Ahem...Kasumi?  This is Coeffe, Hiwt and Merac, they were the
first friends I made here."  They all smiled broadly and bowed in
unison to the bewildered girl, multicolored strands of hair tangling
in the effort.  "Don't worry, they're elemental sprites.  They
represent Nature, Stone, and Water respectively."  After the
introductions were complete Tae ushered them into the dining room for
a hot dinner and they talked long into the night.

	One question still plagued Kasumi's mind however, where did she
fit in all this?

---Tendo Dojo, 4:03 p.m.---

	Soun had dragged Genma's soggy body in after awhile, deciding
that Genma better be ready when Nodoka comes or there'd be hell to
pay.  He hadn't even noticed Kasumi and Ranma's absence until two
minutes ago when he'd asked for help dragging his old friend inside.
He felt empty inside now, any time he remembered training under the
master he felt dirty and ashamed afterwards.  Similar to women's
reactions to the perverted master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts.

	As such it came as quite a surprise when Ranma and Kasumi
appeared out of nowhere, walking into the dimension as if walking
through a doorway.  A swirling mass of bleeding background colors and
the shimmering of clear water accompanied their arrival, a whirlpool
of magic until the anomaly itself vomited out his daughter and her
fiancˇe.  They were laughing, actually laughing; Soun hadn't heard
such beautiful, trilling laughter since his poor wife's demise.  His
eyes did noticed where Kasumi's hands were straying as they phased in,
trying desperately to contain his delight at the progress they were
making.  Why, by morning they should be man and wife!

	"Where have you been Kasumi?  Ranma?"  Soun tried to pull off the
'strict father who frowns upon pre-marital sex' act, but ended up
crying at the prospect that by tomorrow the schools would be joined.
If only Nabiki and Akane would find nice boyfriends...

	"Ranma was just showing me his house,"  she paused to burp
silently, "and where he lives.  We were just eating dinner father,
that's all, really."  It sounded like she desperately wanted to
convince him of their innocence.  They probably didn't do anything
anyway, so Soun decided to let it go.  Ranma sat next to him and
Kasumi opposite, just close enough that Soun could barely smell the
liquor they'd been drinking after dinner, bottles of a special ale
Tae's tribe made since the dawn of time.  She had to admit, it was
quite good.

	The faint smell of liquor started the alarms in Soun's head, a
chain reaction that lead to his secret store-houses of ki.  Veins
began to throb menacingly on his forehead as his head began to grow,
his tongue becoming forked.  Rapidly entering full-on demon head mode,
Soun leapt up from the table.  "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DAUGHTER
RANMA!!!!I HOPE YOU HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR ALL THIS!!!!"

	Ranma and Kasumi sobered almost immediately as he pulled the
vibro-stick from his tunic.  With the tell-tale sound of air being
compressed, he thrust it into the forehead of the demon head.  A loud
pop resounded through the house and Soun Tendo was once again human.

	"Don't worry Mr. Tendo.  Kasumi and I just ate dinner is all, we
had a little ale afterwards but that's perfectly acceptable in Teh
Sthlhu.  Don't worry."  He stowed the vibro-stick back into Pak's
storage space, patting the creature affectionately on the muzzle, it's
LED eyes twitching in happiness.  "So when was my Mom supposed to
arrive?"

	Kasumi smiled shyly at him, as her omnipresent blush deepened
under his scrutiny(phonetic pun intended).  "She said that she would
be on the three o'clock train from Juuban, so she should be here in a
few minutes."" [It'' so hard to believe I spent the night talking and
laughing with complete strangers in Teh Sthlhu only to come home two
minutes later than when we left!  It's just so confusing, does this
mean we could conceivably live forever?]

	All at once Genma sprang from the floor, a wild grin plastered on
his face.  Dripping water over the floor, he leapt to the corner of
the room and grabbed Pak before springing back to the porch.  "Hah!
Foolish boy!  I was just feigning unconsciousness to hear your plans,
now your magic will be mine!"  He knocked hard on Pak's outercasing,
somehow expecting it to open the portal to a fat, dishonorable martial
artist.  "Damn you!  Open up!  I want all the riches!"  Ranma didn't
make a move to stop him, seeing Pak's LED optical array go flat-eyed
was enough for him to know that Genma wouldn't get away with it.  A
distinct hum began in the beast's throat, a mechanical growl that rose
in volume until various vases were shaking from the vibrations.  Genma
froze as he realized that perhaps angering the magical-creature wasn't
a good idea, a breakthrough which came too late as Pak opened it's
titanium maw and bit down on Genma's rather large spare tire.

	Kasumi and Ranma shared a laugh as Genma screamed and tried to
pry the metal demon off his girth with a spoon, the trip to Teh Sthlhu
seemed to have calmed Kasumi, made her forget her priorities in this
world and indulge herself.  In the broad scheme of things this was
something only an extraordinary person could do, Ranma was far beyond
extraordinary he was a free spirit.  Soun smiled faintly as he
realized that some part of Ranma's carefree nature had rubbed off on
his daughter.

	"We're home!"  Nabiki's voice carried from the foyer, almost
drowned out by the howls of pain from Genma and the incessant rattle
of the storm gutters outside.

	"What's that noise?  Do you hear that?"  Akane folded up her
umbrella, sliding it into the rack next to the door.  It was almost as
if someone was screaming...

	"Whoa.  Yeah I do Akane, what do you think it is?"  Nabiki's eyes
squinted at the four shadows moving about in the tearoom, three
sitting, and one dancing about with some kind of weird growth on its
stomach.  "You'd better go check it out."

Akane opened the door to the tearoom only to facefault as Genma
continued to dance around with a pangolin biting his gut.  Nabiki
contemplated facefaulting until her eyes came to rest on their other
guest.  Her first thought was of course:  [WHAT A  HUNK!!!!]

	"Will somebody help me!?!  Why isn't anyone listening to me!?!
Can't you hear?!  Ahh!!!"  Genma continued to roll around on the
floor, Pak securely attached to his projecting gut.  "Get it off me!!
Get it off me!!!"

	Soun stood up, dodging Genma as he ran around the room, and
gestured to his daughters that they should sit.  "Today I received a
postcard from my friend, Genma Saotome.  Years ago we had planned to
unite out school of Anything-Goes Martial Arts, however Genma informed
me that his son, Ranma, was dead."

	Ranma spoke up at this point.  "Clearly the rumors of my demise
are greatly exaggerated."

	Soun coughed, glaring at the boy for interrupting him.  "Anyway,
as you can see Ranma is here and alive.  So, who wants to be his
fiancˇe?"  He smiled, knowing that if worse came to worst, he would
have two out of three.

	"Tendo!  Tendo!  Help meeeeee!!!!!!  It's biting my stomach!!!!"

	"I'll take him!"  Nabiki raised her hand while sneaking a
suggestive glance at Ranma's cute butt as he bent over to taunt his
father.  "Akane doesn't like boys and Kasumi's-KASUMI!?!?!"  Her eyes
bugged out as Kasumi rose and began to throw herself at him, draping
her primly dress all over his arms, chest, legs...oh!  And cute but
too!

"Get it offffff!!!!!!!  Get it off me!!! Anybody!!! Help me!!!!"

	"I'll be glad to take him father, clearly Ranma needs more of a
mature wife, someone who can be with him during the hard times."
Completely out of character for Kasumi, Nabiki thought she saw a
suggestive lip-lick as she'd said 'hard times.'  Shaking that line of
thinking however came yet another visitor at the door.  All present in
the room froze, Kasumi in Ranma's arms, Nabiki latched onto Ranma's
arm, Ranma trapped by the Tendo sisters, Akane verbally abusing her
family, Genma writhing in pain, and Soun stoically smoking a
cigarette; he knew to stay out of his daughter's affairs.

	"Is anyone home?  Genma?"  A tall shadow of a woman descended on
the group, a glinting sword wavering in her hand.

	One word cut through all those interested in Ranma.

	Crap.

---To be continued---

	I never imagined this series becoming such a hit!  I just thought
I'd dabble in the old 'Ranma in a magical world' genre but I've
received so many responses to just this one body of work that I'll be
continuing this as one of my primary series (along with Evangelical
History, Destiny Lost and Where are We Now).   As I'll be creating
this world from scratch, most things will be explained as they are
introduced, however, some things will need extra clarification, that's
where my new handy-dandy glossary of Teh Sthlhu comes in!

(1) CHEPHAROS Battleships:  These are like flying boats, they patrol
the entirety of Teh Sthlhu and are manned by the military police.
Think of the Roshtarian flying ships from El-Hazard.
(2) Shades:  Hired assassins from the Guild of the Shadows, basically
a mercenary group.  Shades are biologically engineered creatures that
meld with dark colored objects, making them perfect assassins.
(3) Priestesses of Serenity:  Believe in two things, holiness through
white magic and the propagation of their order.  These magic users are
healers, doctors, therapists, historians, story tellers, geishas and
prostitutes.  Since they are descended from the original
practitioners, they believe that priestesses should only come from the
blood of their ancestors, but you can have a child by an outsider.
For some strange reason they only have female children.  Their
'payment' for their services is usually in the form of a one night
stand with the employer.  Now you know why Ranma didn't want to tell
Kasumi about the...uh...payment.
(4) Spugorths and Lachta:  Typical beings that haunt old, broken down
places.  Equivalent to gigantic silverfish and spiders.
(5) Hrothgar:  Yes, this _is_ the same Hrothgar that is in Beowulf.
He was brought to Teh Sthlhu by Maximillian to help defeat the Druidic
Warlords.
(6) Deliony:  A fruit common to the forests surrounding the Mystical
Ruins.  Imagine an avocado-shaped fruit with cantaloupe flesh and
pomegranate seeds inside.
(7) Dan-Tae of the House of Copper Victory:  A dragon girl of about
seventeen.  Those of the House of Copper Victory are copper-colored
dragons who fought against their Druidic Warlord masters during the
Great Upheaval.  She is the princess of her tribe and looks very much
like the girl from the Dragon Half OAVs.  Different colored hair
though.

	On a more professional note, if anyone never received an email
response to any question, please re-send the message and I'll try to
get through them as fast as possible.

Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton
Holy Scribe and Second Disciple
The Church of Kasumi and Ranma
vze2jcwc@verizon.net