227 %% -- Vicki - vmerrima@indiana.edu "life is complex: it has real and imaginary parts." %% -- ******************************************* Mark/Mary Baker MABaker@ix.netcom.com "Wealthy the spirit that know its own flight Stealthy the hunter that slays his own fright Blessed the traveler that journeys the length of the light." -- Dan Fogelberg %% Gil Trevizo kj75%utep@utepvm.utep.edu "You are like a sword without a scabbard. You cut well. But really good swords stay in their scabbards." - Sanjuro %% David "Looking for *the* butterfly whose flapping wings cause all those storms and getting him to stop" Thompson thompsod@vkm.com Thompsond@.vkm.com UnderSaxed@aol.com "I'm clever as can be and I'm very quick but don't forget we've only got so many tricks, no one lives forever" - D. Elfman %% -Chris -- So, I'm a poor speller. Sew me. Untie dyslexics! Untie! GO BRUINS!!!! GO ASTROS!!!! %% Kristian -- Kristian Köhntopp, Wassilystraße 30, 24113 Kiel, +49 431 688897 "UNIX is like a Vorlon. It is incredibly powerful, gives terse, cryptic answers and has a lot of things going on in the background." %% From: Davey Jones <76350.1766@compuserve.com> Davey ("I never met a word I couldn't misspell if I didn't want to") %% David Zeiger dzeiger@netcom.com Windows 95: The Dracula of Operating Systems--it sucks up all your memory, bleeds your hard drive dry, and only works an average of 12 hours out of every 24. %% Gabi -- kudzu@ix.netcom.com or 73363.3003@compuserve.com Cousin and Mercenary (for virtual beignets!) ***Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.*** %% fortune... Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course. %% -- void goto_college(){ | Azeem Jiva : ajiva@galaxy.csc.calpoly.edu while(credits ******************************************************************* %% Julie tavo@marlin.gulf.net <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Minbari Computer Virus I: Wipes out all files from the last 24 hours, then deletes itself. If your system has previously been infected by the Soul Hunter Virus, the Minbari Virus will find the files hidden by the Soul Hunter Virus and delete them. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> %% -------------------------------------------------------------- The Brain: Man has an evil side Pinky. Pinky: Um... left or right? Narf. suzanm@ix.netcom.com ---------------------------------------------------------------- %% ******************************************************************************* PookieKat | Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot Karen K | change, the courage to change the things I can, and kknight@selu.edu | the wisdom to hide the bodies of all the people I SLU - Hammond, LA | had to kill because they ticked me off! ******************************************************************************* %% -- mightyjack "Inspiration, move me brightly.....light the song with sense and color, hold away dispair." ----------Robert Hunter------------ %% John Davis lasher@hops.cs.jhu.edu -- UNIX is a very user-friendly operating system ... ... it's just picky about who it's friends with %% %% Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chris Ely cely@texoma.com OR Nialla@aol.com %% %% ******************************************************* Jonathan W. Pennington | "It's only by some miracle Mt. Pleasant, S.C. | that I ever immediatly USA | understand you." jwp@awod.com | -My girlfriend, to me ******************************************************* %% --------------------------------- Mary G.T.Webber "We only know what the writers give us. So far, all Natalie ever gets is death and vampires. :-)" Leslie Remencus, the Natpack -------------------------------- %% I live in Chicago. I don't believe in Global Warming. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- * Amanda | The best immortal * Jonathan Shimkus * *_____________| there was, there is, * connerm@ripco.com * * And the best there ever will be. * The Chief Amanda FlagWaver * ----------------------------------------------------------------------- %% --------------------------- Letitia J. Yao "Anyone who lives in two worlds Dept. of Pharmaceutical Chemistry at once is bound to lead UC-San Francisco a complicated life." lyao@picasso.ucsf.edu --Joanna Russ %% David Wren-Hardin | Thousands of years ago the Egyptians bdh4@midway.uchicago.edu | worshipped cats as gods. Cats have david@data.uchicago.edu | never forgotten this. http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/bdh4/ %% | "One of the secret masters of Elizabeth | the world: a librarian. They P_Elizabeth@kcpl.lib.mo.us | control information. Don't | ever p**s one off." | -Spider Robinson | -The Callahan Touch %% .:.:.:.:.:.:.:......:.:.:.:.:.:.:.......:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : "Ancient weapons and hokey religions : : are no match for a blaster at your side, kid." : : : :.:.:.:.:.:.:....rebecca@mail.alliance.net...:.:.:.: %% Michele ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Michele Lynn Martin Department of Molecular Genetics Ohio State University michele@signal.biosci.ohio-state.edu ****************************************************** "Don't give me that smile! That's not even a real smile--that's just a bunch of teeth playing games with my mind!" --Templeton "Faceman" Peck to John "Hannibal" Smith ----------------------------------------------------------------------- %% Trisa Lee zinkt@m.binghs.jordan.k12.ut.us _______________________________________________________________ There are no perfect people in the world, only perfect intentions! %% Robert *** I pass my time fighting my laziness, yet when I've finished I'm so tired that I only think to rest! *** %% Brand -- The Courts of Chaos -- http://nickel.ucs.indiana.edu/~khiller/home.html "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is *NOTHING* like Shakespeare." - Blair Houghton %% *********************************************************************** ** e-mail: wyckoff@ag.arizona.edu ** homepage: http://ag.arizona.edu/~wyckoff ** My fanfics are now archived in pkzip format on my fanfic page ** at http://ag.arizona/edu/~wyckoff/fanfic.html ** Also: check out the X-files creative archive at Gossamer ******************************************************************* ** ERROR: You just deleted 6 years of work -- MERCY KILL ? ******************************************************************* %% Daniel J. Debowy, B.S. NYU School of Medicine, MD/PhD 2002(?) ************** "The wonder of life is surpassed only by the wonderful people who live in it" ************** "Colonel, don't you think you should make peace with your maker?" "Sir, with all due respect, my maker was some geek in a lab coat with an eye dropper and a petri dish ... I don't need to make peace with him." -Col. T.C. McQueen, In Vitro Soldier on Space:Above and Beyond %% @) Linda Tenenbaum --------------------------------------------------------------- jerry.tenenbaum@utoronto.ca "Keep your mind busy to accomplish things; keep your mind open to understand things." Tut-tut --------------------------------------------------------------- %% Jaime ************************************************** Isis@mindwell.com Natpacker/Optimist's Club/X-phile I assimilate you. You assimilate me. We're a collective family. --Barney of Borg ************************************************** %% How the hell did that get out? Bloody gremlins in the keyboard I think. From Paul Adams email - paula@compnews.co.uk / paula@padd.press.net %% Cousin Christy ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ctucker@mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu "are you hurt, madam?" "no sir, i am dead." "that is serious. may i help?" -Orlando ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "Mulder, that new tie certainly looks familiar... And I'm missing a throw pillow!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% ============ "Never take your eyes off the vampire D. L. Powers in front of you to glance at the R1YS@unb.ca werewolf in back of you." ============ --Laurell K. Hamilton %% ssachs@runet.edu http://www.runet.edu/~ssachs ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed. -Oliver Holmes %% Jay Badenhoop, The Electron Slayer | This message was transmitted Mr. Data's Data (sf-news@stargame.org) | on 100% recycled electrons -- Milwaukee Time Lords/Star Fleet Academy | Approved by U.S. Government Whoosier Network/Knightly News | Energy, Mass, and Angular badnhoop@siucvmb.siu.edu | Momentum Conservation Agency %% Marc Sanders (mlsand@ibm.net) "A good insult is like a good knife: short, sharp, and pointed." %% Catherine Co-Head Administrator of the Loony Bin, aka the Knighties --------------------------------------------------------------- Catherine Boone catheboo@cco.caltech.edu "Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." - H. L. Mencken %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "I don't care, Mulder. Perhaps many women do find them cute, but I am *not* wearing an 'I'm with Spooky' T-shirt!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% -- ------------------------- To all prospective authors: To Aer is hueMaNn Never fear critisism; 2 realE FouL thYngS uph, Constructive or otherwise. reqYres a computer!!! The more they pick, The more they've read. ------------------------- Eng 1A. Instructor unknown. 12345678 The digit digit@tidepool.com http://www.tidepool.com/digit/digit.htm %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "Mulder... Please stop telling people that I have 'big flashlights'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Fox Mulder will never say on "The X-Files": "Hey look, Scully. 'The Swedish Bikini Bowling Team'. I guess it's true; it *doesn't* get any better than this." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "True, Mulder, you could be called a 'G-Man'. Arguably, I could be called a 'G-Woman'. But the naming convention breaks down before we get to the FBI Canine Corps, and Spot." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% * Save FOREVER KNIGHT! E-mail me or visit the homepage * http://member.aol.com/CuznJamiMR/SaveForeverKnight.html* ******************************************************** Gov't Thug: "We work in the Intelligence Community. * Skinner: "Remind me not to move there" * ******************************************************** %% Hank Driskill driskill@d2.com Digital Domain 300 Rose Ave, Venice CA 90291 (310) 314-2997 __-----_________________{]___________________________________________________ {&&&&&&&#%%&#%&%&%&%&%#%&|]__________________________________________________/ {] Fighting to survive, in a world with the darkest powers... %% **************************************** ******************************************************** *** *** *** The world is full of Kings and Queens... *** *** Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams... *** *** ...It's Heaven and Hell... *** *** *** ******************************************************** ******************************************************** %% Kevin kpglover@concentric.net ************************************************************ * Kevin Glover kpglover@concentric.net * * http://members.aol.com/kevinglove/columbo.html * ************************************************************ * "In Times of crisis, it is of utmost * * importance not to lose one's head." * * M. Antoinette * ************************************************************ %% Nea Dodson neadods@aol.com "Scarred by a traumatic childhood experience, an adult Dorothy of Kansas wonders why she's constantly falling for heartless, cowardly men with no brains." %% cheshire@bitstream.net "Stop stealing the blankets. You're an arctic wolf for God's sake." %% Shirley M. ___________________________________________________ // If I say I can, I can. If I say I can't - I can't // I can do anything I want as soon as I learn how. // From -4 Essentials of a High Performance Secretary ___________________________ %% fortune: F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm! %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "I swear I'll get you for this, Mulder. Next time *I* pick out the costumes. I'll probably catch pneumonia... 'Yeoman Scully', indeed!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "Sure, Mulder. I suppose one could classify Anna Nicole Smith as an X-File. But Skinner would never approve *your* investigation!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "Mulder, there is *no* scientific evidence to support your contention that pantyhose are 'the work of the Devil'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Fox Mulder will never say on "The X-Files": "Here's an X-File for you, Scully. How come, no matter where we travel, it always looks like Vancouver?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% Lori ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Most folks are about as happy as robb@itsnet.com they make up their minds to be. --Abraham Lincoln ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ %% ************************************************************************ "I could crush him like an ant but it would * yort@earthlink.net be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best * -Troy served cold. I'll bide my time until . . . * STAR WARS oh what the hell, I'll just crush him like * BATTLESTAR GALACTICA an ant." - Charles "Monty" Burns, SIMPSONS * BABYLON 5/X-FILES/SIMPSONS ************************************************************************ %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "Mulder, the FBI did not issue these powerful, expensive flashlights just so you could make 'shadow puppets'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "It's not an X-File, Mulder... It's just a woman thing. Emma Peel always knew when to wear leather gear; I always know when to wear slacks & flats." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words neither Fox Mulder nor Dana Scully will say on "The X-Files": "...of course, a spanking usually falls outside the bounds of an investigative partnership..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% -- Jen jen@rio.com * It is better to soar with the Eagles... maytree@aol.com * ...but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. %% --// Alexei Kosut // // Lefler on IRC --// -----------------// -------// "To get the full effect of Pat Buchanan's speeches, they should be read in the original German." //-------------------------------------- %% Kimber **************************************************************************** "Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die" G.K. Chesterton Kimberly Lunsford "Lizzie" lunsford@csc.ti.com **************************************************************************** %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "When a woman's partner gets boinked, she's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't matter what you think of him, he is your partner. As it happens, we're in the FBI. Well, when some gal boinks your partner, it's bad business to let her get away with it. Bad all around; bad for every female Special Agent, everywhere!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "I don't know, Mulder... Just what *does* it mean to do it 'clown style'?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% Scott Dailey A A A | | | | | | __| |_| |_| |___nnnnnn_____----____-===----- _ __/--| |-| |-| |---~~~-------~~~---\==/~~\. O=|-|OOOOO--<=X===X===X=>-| | |-----| | |> HHK | ~ ~~\--| |-| |-| |---___-------___---/==\__/' | | | | | | | | | | | | V V V %% "Very funny Scotty... Now beam down my clothes." _________ .-~~~-..---..-~~~-. __________ -~.--<<<<<<<`-...--'.---.`--...-'>>>>>>>--.~- =~~.-~ ````\\_`(`._.')'_//'''' ~-.~~= [(o)/ ``.._..'' \(o)] ~-~ If life only deals you out lemons, why not make lemonade? Dale Carnegie My Home Page: http://www.cosc.brocku.ca/~dk94aq/ %% "First God created idiots. That was for practice. Then He created school boards." -Mark Twain %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "No... Look at her. She's too pretty, her hair is too long, her skirt is too short, her heels are too high, her figure is... obvious. And I'll bet she's shallow. Not your type at all, right Mulder?... Mulder??... MULDER!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% Michele **************************************************************************** Michele Martin michele@signal.biosci.ohio-state.edu Department of Molecular Genetics Ohio State University, Columbus --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Evil Guest Immortal: "I have you now, MacLeod." Duncan MacLeod: "I admit it. You're better than I am." EGI: "Then why are you smiling?" MacLeod: "Because I know something you don't know..." "..._I_ am the star of this show." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "Mulder, our visit to the arctic base with the parasites was over two years ago. I believe we can safely terminate the daily body searches..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% <>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<> <> I don't want to achieve immortality <> Cousin Vickie Immortal Beloved <> <> through my work, I want to achieve <> newbie member of MFW-Cavalry <> <> it through not dying. - Woody Alan <> emerald_@ix.netcom.com <> <>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~emeraldct@aol.com~~~~~~~~~<> %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Fox Mulder will never say on "The X-Files": "Scully, next time you give me swimwear, please mention if it's eatable. The red Speedo dissolved... And no jokes about 'the Truth being Out There'!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% J.Q. LaVielle mailto:fhi@sdf.lonestar.org One day, everyone will use fake html %% -- Kyle Haight khaight@netcom.com "We are mice, posting to Usenet in the first stages of a complex plan to Take Over The WORLD!" %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say over her cellular phone on "The X-Files": "Mulder, it's me. I just found a strange package in your apartment. It's.... mmmmm..... I didn't know they came in that color!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "Mulder... When is it *my* turn to beat up Skinner?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% ___________ Deborah -- first cousin, once removed ______________ " I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. We're a knowledgeable family." ________________ menikoff@panix.com _____________________ %% - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "I agree, Mulder. Agent Pendrell is a bright guy. I was beginning to think he was kind of sweet, too... And then he started quoting 'Dilbert'!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "My God, Mulder, you were right. Mimes *are* aliens!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dana Scully line we will never hear on "The X-Files": "No, Mulder, it wouldn't work. If we were to resign and go private, we would lose access to the FBI labs. Besides, there is just no glamorous ring to 'Dana Scully, Private Dick'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "...but before you continue, consider this. The *last* person who told me 'it takes less effort to smile than to frown' has *never* been found." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "Alright, Mulder, it was a succubus. But I still don't think that a Dungeons & Dragons 'Monster Manual' will help us in our investigations." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% A hypothetical paradox: What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet? -- Tom Galloway %% "Last season, when the Jets played against the San Jose Sharks, [Jets' star goaltender Nikolai Khabibulin] made one of the diving, standing-ovation type saves - after bad positioning and a juicy rebound set up the shot. "After the game, Jet's director of hockey information and resident European expert Igor Kuperman strolled into the locker room and told Khabibulin: "You are a typical representative of the Russian people. First you create the problem yourself, then you heroically overcome it." Submitted by: cmeditor Apr. 8, 1996 %% Most people agonize over big life-decisions and leave little life-decisions to mood, historical precedent, or to arbitrary whim. Statistics show that better results are achieved by the inverse priority. %% "I'm not an Immortal Slut, he's my boytoy!" EG at Syndicon East. Words for us Female Immies to live by. ________ // \\ Potest Esse Nur Unus! OXXXXXXXXXX(----------------------------------- \\_______// There Can Be Only 1! Jen Thrailkill: Cats Immie@aol.com OFW for Anne Lindsey & Little Mary CFW for Caitlynn (Cat) Renwyck and her Chronicles Supporter to revive the Duncan and Anne Flag Wavers Cheap Plug for my website at: http://home.aol.com/catsimmie Cheap Plug for the AOL Chat Room HighFicDis %% __ Kim Sefcik, (shannara@twave.net) ~ Richie Reservist ~ Methos Flag Waver ~ Chancer ~ Another Bleepin' X-Phile ~ Co-CBC of Sandra McDonald's Fanfic ~ Highlander List Liger ~ Creator/Maintainer of the Strange Luck FAQ "I am Richie Ryan of the Clan... wait, can we try that again?" "Have a nice day!" -- Methos, "Till Death" "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." -- Hamlet, "Hamlet" - William Shakespeare %% Barbara ogleb@mail.doe.state.fl.us REALITY.SYS corrupted - reboot Universe (Y/N)? %% Dominick Carlucci (DAC2(<*urggackk - system error - mind lost - retrieve? aaccckkk!-pppzzzttttttt!*>) %% Lisa "Greyhound" Kohles 59th Ready Reserves ------------------------------------------ Anubis -- anubis@mindwell.com ------------------------------------------ "Strap yourselves in. This flight's gonna suck and we don't serve peanuts." -Lt. Cooper Hawkes, "...Tell Our Moms We Done Our Best" Ross: "I'll be a son of a bitch if I go you your funeral, Ty." McQueen: "Yes, sir, you will. But we'll talk about your mother when I get back." "The Angriest Angel" %% Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. -- Henry Spencer %% Wombat's Laws of Computer Selection: (1) If it doesn't run Unix, forget it. (2) Any computer design over 10 years old is obsolete. (3) Anything made by IBM is junk. (See number 2) (4) The minimum acceptable CPU power for a single user is a VAX/780 with a floating point accelerator. (5) Any computer with a mouse is worthless. -- Rich Kulawiec %% The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it. %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Fox Mulder will never say on "The X-Files": "I know shock collars can be used to train dogs not to run away, but you no longer have a dog, Scully. So why are you ordering.... Hey!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "Mulder, this time they've gone too far. I've been named in a 'Lone Gunmen' editorial as 'The Woman We Would Most Like To Be Stranded On A Desert Island With If Xena, Warrior Princess, Was Unavailable'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward. %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Fox Mulder will never say on "The X-Files": "Television has lied to us, Scully, and it's just not fair. All of our opponents seem to be sticky, disgusting, and horrifyingly vicious. Where are all the beautiful alien babes in tinfoil bikinis?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% Chi M. Truong -- Since we are having difficulties with the host earth.solarsystem.universe , please do not spawn too many child processes and recycle your garbage files. Thank you. -- %% In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi, junior, what are you up to?" "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the rabbit. "Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible!" "Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face. Comes along a wolf. "Hello, what are we doing these days?" "I'm writing the second chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves." "Are you crazy? Where is your academic honesty?" "Come with me and I'll show you." As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge lion sitting next to some bloody and furry remnants of the wolf and the fox. The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts. %% The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system. %% Coincidence, n.: You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on. %% Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. -- Wernher von Braun %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "It's an interesting, if bizarre theory, Mulder. Do you really believe the introduction of parking meters, pantyhose, and those hot air hand dryers in public restrooms are all part of some evil alien conspiracy?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "Do we have to go, Mulder? I know the awards ceremony is just for fun, and a good way to build esprit de corps within the Bureau, but this is our third consecutive 'Silver Sickle'. It's not as if we *try* to have the year's highest bodies per case average!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - %% Hold fast. - Janine 72557.627@compuserve.com Oxymoron: Sticking extra stuff in your .sig to complain about all the extra stuff people put in their .sigs. :p %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "A word of advice, Mulder... be careful around that woman. You know what they say... 'Men are like tile floors. Lay them right the first time, and you can walk on them for years'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 85- %% * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Bonita ccq720@freenet.mb.ca Reality is for people who can't handle science fiction. JFW There is no ESC from computers. DFW * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * %% -- | Pfyre | | staunch member of CJSFC & unrepentant MMSFS | | | |"Zathras look at budget deficit, says, not good. Stop spending. | | But no one ever listen to Zathras. But one day, everybody listen.| | Then, Zathras elected. Zathras will be great president. Someday | | even have face printed on money. Then, everybody have Zathras | | face in pants. It is good to be president." --jms on the Net-- | %% -- |\ _,,,---,,_ ZZZzz /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ |,4- ) )-,_. ,\ ( `'-' ----'---''(_/--' `-'\_)----------------------- sophie@hub.ofthe.net http://www.hub.ofthe.net/~sophie/ %% paingod@mail.ccast.com -- "If women like it, it's "Erotica." If men like it, it's "Pornography." %% Definition of "Multitasking" : Thaddaeus (ncc1701z@poboxes.com) OS/2, Unix : The ability to run several applications smoothly and reliably. Windows : Pulling hair, gnashing teeth and praying that data wasn't lost in the latest General Protection Fault. %% Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen. %% It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right. %% The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. -- Lao Tsu %% Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm? Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything , which is why they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week. -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw" %% GLT Gerald L. Tonne geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Dana Scully will never say on "The X-Files": "Listen, sister... No one gives oral science to *my* partner but me!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -116- %% God is real, unless declared integer. %% Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline sharply the minute they start waving guns around? -- Dr. Who %% Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. %% It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people. -- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot" %% |------------------Remember, 'Epiphanies'!-------------------| | Pfyre or | | staunch member of the CJSFC, HHS & unrepentant MMSFS | |------------------------------------------------------------| | Deja Fu: The terrible feeling that | | you've raised Caine before. ---emw | %% Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. %% GLT glt@millcomm.com geraldt@leonardo.lmt.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Words Fox Mulder will never say on "The X-Files": "It tastes much better than it sounds, Scully. And you could just call it sushi, instead of 'real, raw, unboned, dead fish'." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -119- %% Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. %% Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% Dewa, Shunsuke -- "Veni, vidi, vici." ("Came, saw, conquered.") - Julius Caesar "Veni, vidi, visa." ("Came, saw, purchased.") - Julius, seize her! "Veni, vidi, vomiti." ("Came, saw, threw up.") - Julius' seizure. %% (And the Moon was as blood, the Storms crashed and the Seas BOILED!) (Typical, thought the Lobsters) / Oo (~, ) V %% Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. %% Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon %% It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. %% Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe we should think only about today. Charlie Brown: No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday will get better. %% In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks) are to be treated as variables. %% Twister(aka Darren Steffler) e-mail at: twister@escape.ca Homepage at: http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~fmw675/ --- Working... Error!!! File: creativ.exe corrupted! Starting cleanup.... Unable to fix. Ignoring. TSR skuld.sys loaded. Begin. %% There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" %% "About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends." -- Herbert Hoover %% ("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._ Bastet's Chosen `6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`) matthew.lewis@Yale.edu (_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-' _..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,' (il).-'' (li).' ((!.-' Beware of organizations that proclaim their devotion to the light without embracing, bowing to the dark; for when they idealize half the world they must devalue the rest. -Miriam Simos %% Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan %% -- Bill Garrett "Some mornings it's not even worth it to gnaw wfg1 @ concentric.net through the leather straps." -Emo Phillips %% Steve (Remove NOSPAM to reply) http://www.zoomnet.net/~mondo/default.html "Windows95 has detected that your mouse pointer position has changed. In order for this change to take effect, you must restart Windows95." "Do you want to restart Windows now?" %% Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain %% Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force. %% Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. %% The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. -- Alan Ashley-Pitt %% From: Tonbo -- The only notable things to come out of Berkley were LSD and UNIX. We do not believe this to be a coincidence. %% The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. %% How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all? %% "No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid." %% If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction. On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction. The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so friendly. The crucial point is if you can tell which is which. -- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot" %% Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. %% Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. %% A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser. Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?" Very earnestly, the Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor." The Hacker then quickly pressed the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while simultaneously hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick Interlisp Manual. The Undergraduate was then Enlightened. %% To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide a test load. %% B.S. (Phys.): Why does it work? B.S. (Engr.): How does it work? B.A. (Acctg): How much will it cost? B.A. (Arts): You want fries with that? %% Do Not Underestimate the Power of the Chocolate Side of the Force! %% UseNet: Cheaper than drugs, just as addictive, but you have to know how to read! %% The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it or Shred it, then Sleep on it. %% System Analysis is the process of finding exactly the right wrench to pound in the required screw. %% Been there, Done that. Can't remember why... %% Our program, who art in memory, "HELO" be thy name. Thy spreadsheets be formatted, thy code be downloaded, from disk as it will be in memory. Give us on screen our data spreads, and forgive us our typo errors, as we forgive those who ask that we document. Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us from glitches. For thine is the algorithm, the application, and the solution, looping forever and ever. Return. %% If you do not wish a man to do a thing, you had better get him to talk about it; for the more men talk, the more likely they are to do nothing else. -- Carlyle %% It is through symbols that man consciously or unconsciously lives, works and has his being. -- Thomas Carlyle %% -- "Why are they wearing bras?" -Rachel Wilde, age 4, while watching the Dirty *ahem* Lovely Angels... ________________________________________________ Come and see the fanfics and food of Bridget and Jamie Wilde! wildeman@psn.net http://www.psn.net/~wildeman/ %% When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly. %% Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. -- Albert Einstein %% Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer. -- Fred Brooks %% Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -- Albert Einstein %% God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein %% Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -- Albert Einstein %% They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. -- Carl Sagan %% Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- A. Einstein %% Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. -- A. Einstein %% The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -- Albert Einstein %% When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute-- and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity. -- Albert Einstein %% Dogbert (while walking to Dilbert): I've been thinking how wonderful it would be if all people renounced violence forever. Dilbert (responses to Dogbert): That's a beautiful thought, Dogbert. Dogbert (to himself): If nobody else was violent I could conquer the whole stupid planet with a butter knife. %% -- Darth C Wader -- Some people suffer from insanity. I enjoy every moment of it. If violence doesn't solve your problems you're not using enough of it. There is no such thing as too much overkill. Of all the things I have lost -- I miss my mind and sanity the least. %% Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. --Mat Loader %% Much to Captain Janeway's horror, she discovers that the Voyager crew is not lost after all--they were just reading the stellar maps upside-down. %% You know you've been watching Babylon 5 to much when... you finger sinclair@b5.mil.ea and wonder why doesn't it work. ... then you remember that he's now sinclair@ea_embassy.minbar.gov. ... it doesn't work either, and then you conclude it must be a problem with the nameserver. ... so you try valen@... %% Many things are true in spirit, but the ultimate test is here on earth. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% No man can claim to have reached the ultimate truth as long as there is another who has not. Ultimate truth is an unlimited light -- and if it is unlimited, how could it shine in one person's realm and not in another's? From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% Rabbi Hillel of Paritch used to say, "I don't like fools, but someone not too smart for himself is closer to the truth." From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% Afterlife is a very rational, natural consequence of the order of things. After all, nothing is ever lost -- even the body only transforms into earth. But nothing is lost. The person you are is also never lost. It only returns to its source. If your soul became attached to the material world during its stay here, then it must painfully rip itself away to make the journey back. But if it was only a traveller, connected to its source all along, then its ride home is heavenly. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% We are all fragments of greater souls, and those souls fragments of even more lofty ones, and so on with those -- until we all link back to the one primordial soul: The soul of Adam. None of us is complete. No one can stand on his or her own. What one is lacking the other fulfills, where one excels, another is wanting. Only together can we find oneness in ourselves. Only together can we be a fit vessel for the One Above to be revealed. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% Once, I came home to find my children climbing into the attic through a hole in the ceiling -- an act I had sternly forbidden due to the dangers involved. But I watched before I opened my mouth. It took four of them: Two to lift one up and another to hold the chair those two were standing on. It was then that I understood something I had heard my Rebbe say many times: When a father sees his children working together with love, he is prepared to forgive them for anything. Better harmonious troublemaking than acrimonious obedience. And so too with the Father Of Us All. "Better they abandon me," He says, "than abandon one another." From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% Do not be dismayed by the hypocrisy of others, nor by your own inconsistencies. Our lives are all journeys through hills and valleys -- no man's spiritual standing is a static affair. But the good each person achieves is eternal, as he connects to the Source of All Good, Who is infinite and everlasting. The failures, on the other hand, are transient and superficial, like shadows of clouds, as stains in a garment to be washed away. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% -Tannim Murphy (No, not THE Tannim, the OTHER Tannim) "Writers who take more time trying to spell than write are editors." -Unknown "Opportunity is often missed 'cause it's dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison %% There is compassion that feeds the ego and there is compassion that humbles it. Compassion that feeds the ego is a sense of pity for those who stand beneath you. Compassion that humbles is born of a deeper understanding of the order of things: When you understand that your fellow man is suffering in order that you may be privileged to help him -- then you are truly humbled. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% Sometimes it happens that you set out to do something with the best of intentions -- and you end up with what appears the opposite. Know with absolute certainty -- because this is a tradition of our sages -- that if your true intent is good, then only good can come out of it. Perhaps not the good you intended -- or care for -- but good nevertheless. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% When G-d made the world He gave each creature, each nation and each individual a role and a meaning. When each plays its part there is harmony. When the lines become too blurred, there is acrimony. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% From your father you may learn the things you must do. From your mother you learn who you are. That is why Jewish identity follows a matriarchal lineage. From: "Bringing Heaven Down to Earth" by Tzvi Freeman - tzvif@aol.com http://members.aol.com/tzviF %% "Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining." -- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal %% -- Larry Garfield AIM: LOLG42 larry@garfieldtech.com ICQ: 6817012 "The world's most dangerous terrorist is at large in the US. He has his sights set on making the entire American population cower in fear. He has ordered his people to assassinate American citizens. Do you know him? His name is George W. Bush." %% lauren{Ae} Devoted property of Aerich "When you live with love, creativity, faith and service to others, life has meaning, purpose and reward, you never get bored. Just like water never gets tired of flowing, you will never get tired of living and doing what comes natural for you." - J. D. Taylor %% Dogbert (to himself): If nobody else was wiolent I could conquer %% The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. -- Robert M. Hutchins %% God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man. %% Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A. %% A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam. %% Life is knowing how far to go without crossing the line. %% He laughs at every joke three times... once when it's told, once when it's explained, and once when he understands it. %% "Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense." %% No use getting too involved in life -- you're only here for a limited time. %% I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question. -- Spock, "This Side of Paradise", stardate 3417.3 %% God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker %% Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic use of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life" %% 1. Quote of the Week ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "If we are not engaged in making ourselves into the kind of person we ought to be, we are automatically engaged in making ourselves into what we ought not to be." --Unknown %% The man discovered weapons and invented hunting; the woman discovered hunting and invented furs. The man discovered colors and invented paint: the woman discovered paint and invented make-up. The man discovered the word and invented conversation; the woman discovered conversation and invented gossip. The man discovered agriculture and invented food; the woman discovered food and invented diet. The man discovered friendship and invented love; the woman discovered love and invented marriage. The man discovered women and invented sex; the woman discovered sex and invented headaches. The man discovered trading and invented money; the woman discovered money and that's when it all got messed up. %%